Sunday, March 14, 2010

To Be a Mother

One of the things in life that has been on my mind lately is becoming a mother.  It has been quite a journey so far.  For those that are interested, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year now and it has been an interesting journey that carries many emotions.  This is a tale of those emotions.

It is always hard to know when, where, and to whom I should talk about this journey because the gamet of reactions from a person can be so vast.  Often when discussed with those who conceived their children so easily or "by accident," the reaction is to just relax, stop worrying, and it will happen when it happens.  Please, if you know of anyone who is having a hard time conceiving, DO NOT SAY THIS TO THEM!  There is nothing that can be more frustrating, disheartening, and upsetting.  Beyond that, in that one phrase that was meant to be helpful, and yes, we know you are "just trying to help," you just convinced us you are not a person to talk to about this journey. 

When in high school, and for some of us in junior high, it was drilled into our heads over and over again about "how easy" it is to become pregnant and how "it only takes once" to make a baby.  Well, guess what Ms. Sex Ed teacher, that's not true for everyone.  In fact, finding that out now is incredibly frustrating, especially when you see and hear of people every day who are getting pregnant while on drugs or drinking, those who know they are pregnant and don't take care of themselves, those who use and abuse others, and those who never wanted a child to begin with.  Somehow, someway, nature has deemed these people to be fit parents, while my financially stable and loving husband and I are not.  If this is meant to be a joke, nature has a messed up sense of humor.  However, believe it or not, I have moved past the stage of anger and frustration with the world and nature.  I know I will have children one day, whether they be natural, fostered, or adopted.  It is just a matter of when the powers-that-be deem it time.  Until then, practice makes perfect, right?  Not to mention "practicing" is a whole lotta fun!  Hehe. 

In the meantime, as I take classes at the community college to fill up credits, I decided to take several on Child Development.  I have found each and every one of them incredibly enlightening.  While I think my parents did a freaking fantabulous job raising my brother and I, (afterall, I am pretty damn awesome aren't I?) I can only imagine how much more awesome we would be if they had known so many of the things I have learned in the last 9 months.  My favorite class so far is about "Positive Discipline."  Yes, discipline can be positive. 

The book we have been using can be found here:  I encourage you to read it if you have children or work with children.  It has been an enlightening read and opened my eyes to so many different ways of thinking when it comes to teaching our children right from wrong, good from bad.  It has changed my opinion of using punishment of any sort, be it physical, verbal, or emotional.  While some who read this blog may not agree, I now believe that punishment can be avoided all together with patience, training, and positive discipline.  Can I be a positive disciplining parent all the time?  No.  I am human, I will make mistakes.  But mistakes can be a wonderful chance for learning and I look forward to the day that I get to make and learn from my mistakes.  I know I won't be a perfect parent, there is no such thing, but I hope that I can be as good as my parents were, just with different techniques. 

~ Fate's Mistress