Saturday, September 11, 2010

Never Forget

In the words of a relative "9 years ago today American's were humbled. We had our innocence, arrogance, invincibility, naivety, security stripped from us but most filled the void with faith and pride. All Americans came together....something we desperately need to do again."

I know every blogger out there will be posting a similar blog posting today, but you know what?  I don't care.  I don't write this post to follow the crowd and I don't avoid writing this to be different.  I write this because my life was changed 9 years ago.  All our lives were changed 9 years ago.  I write this for all the people who died that day, but I also write this for everyone who has died before and after that day at the hands of hate.  

When it happened, I was driving to work. The radio station cut off the song it was playing and the DJ came on and said a plane crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers. They didn't know if it was an accident or not yet.

As I pulled into the parking lot at work, a co-worker was there crying. Another plane hit the second tower. Not an accident.  Someone was attacking us, our nation, our values, our soul.

We sat at work watching the news, comforting each other. We sat in shock when we learned of the Pentagon. We panicked together when we heard a hijacked plane was headed for Dallas, then breathed deeply when it was corrected to Dulles, for though we knew we were safe, we had fear for those who weren't.

I joined two dear friends that afternoon.  We tried to function normally, going to the grocery store, making meals, but it was all a facade.  We watched the towers fall together. We watched the Pentagon and a Pennsylvania field burn.  We mourned together, and then we stood strong together.  Our nation stood strong together. 

And then we started to forget...


Friday, September 10, 2010

Nothing's right. I'm torn.

A couple weeks ago, I got great news.  Someone who has traveled the TTC path with me found out she was pregnant.  She had been pregnant before, but sadly it ended in miscarriage, so I was very excited to hear when she got pregnant again.  With the wonderful news though, there is always the worry that "it" will happen again.  Yesterday, I found "it" did.  It broke my heart to read the message.  Tears came to my eyes and I wished with all my might I could be there to hug her and reassure her that she would get through this. 

See, I love this group of TTC girls like they were my own sisters because we all get it.  Simply put, infertility sucks.  Miscarriages suck.  Having to take drugs and hormones to try to get pregnant and then have it not work sucks.  Yet, after the initial sadness of her heart-breaking news, I found myself thinking about my situation and I pondered a single question...

Would I rather go through the pain of never being able to conceive in the first place, or would I rather go through the joy of even just a few days with a life inside me, only to lose it a short time later?

My conclusion - they both suck giant monkey balls.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

It's definitely you, not me.

Of all the things that come rolling through Facebook that are opinionated and possibly controversial, one of them really gets me riled up.  How often do I talk about politics?  Not often.  I don't like arguing politics with anyone because far too many people are ignorant of the events and base their opinions solely on media coverage which is undoubtedly biased (Sorry Fox, "fair and balanced" my ass).  Every now and then, something really strikes a nerve with me that causes me to throw caution to the wind and speak up despite whatever ignorant flak I might catch.

Today and tomorrow (or whenever I get my next post out), it is all about Muslims.  Several weeks ago, this whole thing blipped onto my radar with posts and groups against a particular mosque being built in New York: 

"If you think that putting up a mosque 600 ft. from ground zero and have the inauguration, on the anniversary of 9/11 in 2011, is immoral, inhuman and a complete lack of respect for the memories, of all that perished there, on that day and their survivors. That politicians are...doing a grave injustice to the fallen heroes, their families and all the people of New York City and America, THEN PLEASE COPY AND REPOST." 

Seriously?!?!  Are you freaking kidding me?  This post being spread around is full of misinformation and an elitist, better than thou attitude.  First of all, by saying 600 ft, whoever started the post intends to make it sound like this place is practically being built on Ground Zero itself, which is not true.  This "600 ft" actually equates to nearly 2 1/2 full blocks away from the outer most edge of the World Trade Center site.  Close, yes, but not the shock and awe close that was intended.  Second, this proposed project is not just a mosque.  Yes, a mosque will be included, but the plan also includes a community center with both Islamic and interfaith programming, a performing arts center, a gym, and a swimming pool.  This complex is to be very similar to one already built on the upper east side of Manhattan.  

Finally, there is just the attitude behind these posts that lights my fire.  If this was a proposed Catholic or Mormon church, no one would be claiming it was "immoral, inhuman" and disrespectful.  So why is this claimed of the Muslim religion?  Last time I checked,  terrorists do not include each and every person of the Muslim community.  In fact, many terrorists have been varying branches of Christianity or Atheist.  One cannot group the entire Muslim community into the terror category. Yes, there are some Muslims that are terrorists, but there are also Christians that are terrorists, Jews,... etc.

Beyond that, innocent Muslims died in those buildings too. No one ever thinks of that. If they want to build a mosque there, I say go right ahead.
  I honestly do not have a problem with it. For all anyone knows, they could be doing this to remember their own fallen family members who were innocent victims as well. Perhaps they are trying to build better interfaith relationships.  Just because a person or group of people make a choice that would be different from what you make or prefer does not give you the right to criticize and accuse. That makes us no different than those who are out to kill us and bring us down. Try seeing things from another point of view.

As for the supposed opening day on 9/11/11, the construction hasn't even freaking begun yet.  If you have any experience with construction, you know that it never goes to plan and it never ends on time.  But even if it did and they did have an inauguration on 9/11, yea, it might make some people uncomfortable, but it is far from immoral and inhumane. Again, for all we know, they could be holding it on 9/11 to remember their own people who fell in those towers. Again, no one ever thought of that, did they?  Let's all just assume that everything any Muslim does is for evil purposes.  Yea, that will fix things.  

So here is the deal.  When you see these things, instead of allowing yourself to have a knee-jerk response and forwarding posts that only promote more intolerance and hate, try to look at it from another angle and try to verify some of the facts.  I don't want to have to break up with you.  It's not me, it's you.

Some sources to explore:,8599,2011400,00.html /mosque_near_ground_zero_its_about_the_community_stupid.html 

Monday, September 6, 2010

What is Friendship?

So I recently moved to Tucson, AZ from California and by recently I mean about 7 months ago.   The transition has been challenging to say the least but the overall experience has been good.  I feel healthier and happier than I have in more than a decade.  I can move freely with little to no pain from my rheumatoid arthritis, my allergies are manageable, and I have no recurring bouts of kidney stones, ovarian cysts, sinus infections, etc, etc.  I no longer have to work full-time, though I choose to work part time and go to school to keep my mind active and thinking.  I am getting to pursue my dream of becoming a teacher and I am finding the path more rewarding every day.  Yet there is something still plaguing me.

Friendship.  When I left California, though I did not have many friends (I can count them on one hand), I left behind the best friends that have ever entered my life (well technically, one left me first *ahem* Missy *cough*).  They taught me how to laugh and live again after my divorce.  They taught me what it truly means to be alive and the value of life and love.  I could count on them for anything.  Day or night, if I needed them, they were there.  Now I am almost 1,000 miles away from them and while they are still there for me by phone and email and I love them dearly, it just isn't the same.  They will always remain my family, but I can't just get up and go say hi to them when I feel like it. 

To fill that lack of human connection, I actively started trying to meet people here in Tucson.  There are several people who I like to think will become good friends, but as some of the relationships build, I find myself asking "What is friendship"?  To me, friendship is calling or texting each other on the phone just to say hi, popping by to see what is new in each other's lives, and asking for and offering help to one another.  A friend is someone you can ask for an onion and not feel uncomfortable about it because you know they will ask for a potato later.  A friend is someone who will gladly take you in when you just don't feel like being alone.  A friend is someone you miss if you haven't seen or talked to them in several days.  A friend is someone who will give you a ride someplace because you have no way to comfortably get there.

So tell me then, you who I consider a friend (you know who you are, though I won't call you out by name because that is just rude and something a friend would NOT do), why won't you let me help you?  Ever?  Why do you find it surprising when I miss you?  Why do you find it strange that I want to take care of you when you don't feel well?  I like to think of us as friends, but perhaps you don't?  Should I even try?  Should I just give up on this friendship?  I really don't want to. 

So can you tell me what friendship is to you?