Friday, May 13, 2011

Drugs, Money, and Rock and Roll - Part 1

Yea, yea, yea.  I know it has been over a month since I posted but I was busy!  So now I am posting because I promised...and I don't break promises.  But, since a LOT of shit has been going on, this is going to come in several parts. 

Let's start with the "Drugs" part of this.  If you recall, I was scheduled to have sinus surgery.  Specifically, they were doing a septoplasty and a sinus drainage.  What is a septoplasty you ask?  Essentially it is where you PAY someone to BREAK. YOUR. NOSE.  Yes, I paid someone to break my nose.  Why?  Because the inside was more crooked than Lombard Street in San Francisco and I couldn't breathe properly.  The only way to fix it is to break it and reset it.  Let me just say...Not. Fun.

Then there was the sinus drainage.  I had a horrible sinus infection that was not going away no matter what drugs they gave me so they scraped it out.  Doesn't that sound lovely?  How would you like to have someone scrape your sinuses clean?  Again...Not. Fun. 

Now you may be asking yourself, what does a person look like after they have had this torture procedure done?  Well, wonder no more!

I swear if someone doesn't turn off the lights, I am stabbing them with a rusty fork.

Yes, that means you.
There ya have it.  Two hours after surgery when you are home and laying on the couch, the lights are really, really bright.  If you have ever had a migraine, then you can relate to this kind of light sensitivity.  Hence the sunglasses.  Also note the bright orange earplugs.  Yup, sound sensitivity.  But my favorite part about this whole thing was definitely the face tampon under my nose.  I had to keep that on until my nose "stopped leaking."  Yes, that is the technical term.  I thought it was totally sexy and I just might start a new fashion line with it!  We will even throw in the free goal post drawing on your forehead! 

And then came recovery.  Though the pain was not as bad as I expected, it still hurt pretty bad.  But I had this wonderful prescription called Vicodin.  So I spent 4 days in a drug-induced haze where I slept 16-18 hours a day.  I am also told I tried to sort out some school stuff while drugged up, I tried cooking, and some various other things I do not recall.  What I DO recall is the nausea, dizziness, and pain.  But we will move past that to the point where I ditched the vicodin and its crappy uncomfortable side effects.

Next came functioning in the world WITHOUT the face tampon! 

 Yes, that is a swollen nose and black eye forming.

Oh wait!  You were wondering about that black thing coming out of my nose.

That black thing would be the end of my stitches which are taped to my face.  Don't I look HAWT!!!!
Now when I say I functioned in the world without a face tampon, I use the term "function" loosely.  Essentially it meant sitting up on the couch instead of laying down and occasionally walking around the apartment complex because I was getting cabin fever.  It never ended up more than that because my balance was still off and the dizziness came and went without any warning.  Finally, about a week after surgery, the dizziness and balance issues started resolving.  Shitty Perfect timing considering the next adventure I needed to start dealing with...