The higher they fly...

...the faster they fall.  The same is true for the distance they fall, and I am falling pretty fast without knowing where I will stop. 

A couple weeks ago I posted about my fun little roller coaster ride of bipolar hypo-mania.  Well, that was the upside of the coaster, and now I am on the down-side.  The problem is I don't know how my "new" friends here in Tucson will take it.  I am blessed to have true friends who love and care for me all over the country.  No matter what stupid ass thing I do, I know you will always be there, waiting to help me pick my stupid ass up off the ground.  Luckily, I also feel like I have built some great relationships with some people here, but much of them were forged in "happy, happy, joy, joy, everything is freaking awesome and perfect and I can rule the world" Alicia.  Now "I am sad and pathetic and not worth anyone's time and everyone is only friends with  me cause they pity me and FML" Alicia has emerged.  As you can imagine, the first version is a lot easier to be friends with than the second version.  So what is the first thing I do when the latter Alicia comes around?  I push people away naturally!  Makes complete sense, right?  DUH!  Sigh.

So now these "new" friends are hearing go away, leave me alone, I'm not interested and even as I say this stuff, I think in my head, WTF are you doing Alicia?  It's like word vomit - an uncontrollable spewing of words despite what the speaker actually wants to say.  Word vomit is inevitably followed by seclusion because you can't believe what you just did and you can't take it back because then you just look fickle and indecisive or like you are playing games with people.  Then I come here to spew word vomit all over my blog because it is the only place I seem to be able to speak even semi-coherently.  Don't you feel special?  You should, after all, I am actually helping you.  See, I screw shit up so you know what NOT to do.  I sacrifice for you, my blessed reader.   

Now, what is the lesson here class?  I hope you know because I'm not really sure.  I just wonder whether these people know me well enough in such a short time to take what I say with a grain of salt while I am down, or if these newly formed relationships can survive the crap I am bound to put them through as I try to dig my way out of this darkness.


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Twitter...The New Police Tool

Ok, so I knew that Twitter could be really super awesome if I ever had the time to spend on it.  Hell, all I have to do is follow @TheBloggess and I am guaranteed to know all the important events I need to be aware of like the recent Zombie Apocalypse #za  or when it is time to be #furiouslyhappy.  But apparently Twitter has outdone itself in Europe. 


http://thenextweb.com/uk/2010/10/14/police-force-tweets-emergency-calls-scores-twitter-hit/

For those of you who don't want to click the link (lazy asses):

A UK police force has scored a major hit today by tweeting every single 999 emergency call it receives over a 24-hour period.  Greater Manchester Police‘s move has seen an overwhelming response among UK Twitter users today as over one hundred tweets per hour are published, reporting everything from real emergencies like thefts and potential accidents to non-emergencies like Threatening messages on Facebook and a man asleep on a toilet in a theatre.

Why is the force doing this? As Inside the M60 reports today, GMP is currently faced with having to make budget cuts of up to £7 million. Chief Constable Peter Fahy has opted to use social media to show how much work the police has to deal with and how cuts stretch resources, saying a lot of police work “is not recognised in league tables and measurements – yet is a huge part of what we do.”

The tweets, spread out over three accounts in order to get around Twitter’s API limits on account usage (even on its own website), have captured the public’s imagination with two spoof accounts being set up. This one is arguably producing the most humorous results, which the other was reprimanded by the police for using their official crest logo. That said, sometimes real life is funnier than parody. See this example: “Call 384 report of man holding baby over bridge – police immediately attended and it was man carrying dog that doesn’t like bridges”.

Meanwhile, we hear that open data enthusiasts are already working on code to analyse data from the calls. It’s fair to say that social media agency Gabba has hit on something with this seemingly simple campaign. The public has got to see the sheer range of calls, some appropriate, some not, that the police has to deal with, generating lots of word-of-mouth discussion and media coverage. Whether it will have any lasting effect beyond public awareness of stretched police resources remains to be seen, but it’s still a bold move that’s paid off.

You can follow Greater Manchester Police’s tweets at their three accounts here, here and here or via the hashtag #gmp24 The ‘experiment’ ends at 5am on 15 October, British Summer Time.

Oh.  Hell.  Yes!


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Semi-Wordless Wednesday

Was there really any doubt?

Where have I been?

Riding a nice high, that's where.  I've been on the upswing of this bipolar roller coaster and honestly, I have enjoyed every minute of it.  For those intimately familiar with bipolar mania, no, not that high.  I have been skirting along somewhere toward the upper end of hypo-mania.  For those not so intimately familiar with bipolar mania (or hypomania), let me attempt to explain.

Mania is a condition of extreme euphoria.  As I understand it, and I am no doctor, everything is in excess and often puts yourself at risk physically, financially, legally, etc.  Sometimes it presents with psychosis, where reality and fiction get blurred (ie. you may think you can fly or you are super strong and can stop a moving vehicle).  Frequently a manic episode ends with inpatient hospitalization for someone "acting crazy" according to some layperson in the victim's life.  I say victim because the patient is a victim to their own chemistry.  Some more familiar cases of mania include sober, naked people running down the street, people attacking random strangers, and someone jumping in front of a subway train in New York.  I have never experienced a true mania...that I know of.  I quantify that because mania is also accompanied with memory loss occasionally and well, if you know me, I already have a shitty memory.

Hypomania is a lesser form of mania.  Hypo = less than.  Connect the dots.  You still have an overwhelming sense of happiness and euphoria and do things in excess, but typically the risks you take are much more mild.  Usually your life is not threatened and there is definitely no psychosis and you are fully aware of your actions.  For example, you don't sleep for days on end, you spend hundreds of dollars on a drop of a hat though you know you shouldn't, you go through multiple sexual partners in a week or even a night.  All these things carry risks, but not as immediately threatening as mania.  The bad part is hypomania can very easily turn to mania and the victim/patient has no idea.

My last four weeks or so have been full of sleepless, drunken nights, spending sprees, irrational thinking, etc.  The only good part is I recognized it a week or two in and I limited the possible damage by handing over my debit and credit cards and cash to my husband.  I essentially have an allowance until I level out.  Then it all came to a screeching halt four days ago with this damn, God-awful flu.  UGH!  Knocked me on my ass enough to get me to go see the shrink.  No more anti-depressant for me!  Duh.  Bye bye Zoloft.  But now that the flu is subsiding and I am recovering (praise the Lord!), it remains to be seen if the hypomania has passed, or if we are going to have some more fun!  ;)  It's been 10 years since I had a good upswing.  In a way, I figure if I am smart about it and I keep myself limited in the damage I can cause (and my hubby has the shrink's number), then why can't I live for a little bit like the college kid I never got to be?  I like bars...and I like dancing on them....



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