Wednesday, April 7, 2010

We are the Borg. You will be assimilated.

Last night, this very nice young man came to our house.  I already forget his name, but it was something like Brad or Brian.  So he shows up with this huge, hard plastic suitcase thing.

"Miss Chin?" he asks when I answer the door.

"That's me."

"I am here to get you all set up for the night."

Here is where my mind starts doing all kinds of wandering.  Exactly what does this man have in mind for me?  And then my memory returns.  I had scheduled an appointment with this young man's company for tonight.  I guess I had told my husband this guy was coming because he didn't blink an eye when I was asked to change into my pajamas.  After I was changed and was all "set up" for the night, this is what I looked like:

I posted the picture on Facebook before creating this blog entry because I wanted to see what kind of messed up things my friends would think I was doing.  Boy did they come up with some interesting things.

Well, here is what is going on.  Last night I got to undergo a wonderful thing called a sleep study.  I know, I know.  It isn't nearly as exciting as becoming a cyborg or building a machine to tweet every time you fart, but the doc wanted it to rule out any sleep issues before he breaks my nose.  No, I wasn't a bad patient.  I just have a severely deviated septum which impairs my breathing and leads to chronic sinus infections.

What a sleep study pretty much amounts to, is being hooked up to 15 bajillion wires and monitors, having a camera faced at your bed, and a microphone in your room so they can measure your movements, brain activity, and hear any talking you might do in your sleep.  Basically, it resulted in an absolutely horrible night's sleep.  The next morning, they tell you congratulations!  You have completed the sleep study!  Have fun trying to function on 3 hours of sleep...crappy sleep at that. 

Oh yea, here is what they did to my head. 

What is that white stuff in my hair holding the electrode sensors to my head?  Yea, that's a type of medical cement.  Cement ya'll!  Oh, but don't worry, it rinses right out with water so when you shower, it will be gone in no time!  That is, if you count 20 minutes of washing and rewashing your hair as "no time."  I think I still have some of that gunk attached to my scalp.  Made me feel like Batty from "Ferngully:"

Note the wires coming from his head.  If you haven't seen the movie, here is his "Batty Rap" for you.

Resistance is Futile.