Oh the Places You'll Go!

Clearly I am not very good at keeping up with this blogging thing, but for those who still read, thank you!  And since you have been so dedicated, you get to see some amazing things coming up!

When we are kids, we often have big dreams and visions.  We imagine going to space, starting our own business, swimming with dolphins, curing cancer, being a rodeo clown, building something from scratch, and so much more.  Somewhere along the "growing up" cycle, we lose a lot of these dreams and visions.  We forget how to imagine the seemingly impossible.  So many fantastic ideas perish at the hand of adulthood, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Obviously one of my biggest projects is starting my own school.  I envision a small school that serves the needs of all its students.  Curriculum slows down or speeds up according to the student's skills and development.  Concepts are taught in a variety of ways to make the information accessible to all.  Life skills are incorporated throughout the skill career so that students learn to teach themselves and develop the skills needed to work through life after the "teacher" is gone.  All of this is wrapped up with real-world incorporation from business professionals who partner with the school to provide knowledge, experience, internships, observations, scenarios, and vision for the future.  Some of the largest strides in society have come from our youngest people.  The goal is to have my school open and accepting students by the summer, and already the interest is high!

As if creating this utopia of a school isn't enough, we have also been fumbling our way through the adoption process.  False starts and changes in course have altered our plans many times, but it feels like we are finally on the right track now.  It has been emotionally and financially taxing, but the experience is and will be worth it.  As we continue with the adoption process though, we have also found another option.  Our insurance covers infertility!  We will be beginning our conception journey at the same time as our adoption journey.  All of this comes together right after my sinus surgery in mid-April.

I know.  It sounds like a lot to accomplish in just a few months.  It also sounds like I am going to overwhelm myself when it is all written out, but here is the amazing part:  For the first time in my life, I feel like everything is exactly how it needs to be for success and I feel very little stress over the whole process.  I have faith in myself and in my spirituality.  I know that faith will carry me through to fulfillment of my dreams.  I know it may not be pretty, but everything will get done exactly as it needs to.  I can see it all so clearly that it already exists.  These dreams, goals, visions, or whatever you want to call them, they are me.  It feels like I found a huge piece of me that I didn't even know was lost.  I feel these are my missing puzzle pieces that I have found.

Now watch  me as I finish the picture...

To Feel Your Heart Break

Today, I have found myself incredibly distracted by all the things in my life that remind me we don't have children yet, and suddenly I am flooded with emotion.

D and I started trying to have children 5 1/2 years ago.  4 years ago, all the tests said our parts were working fine.  Unexplained infertility.  3 years ago, we decided to adopt instead of doing invitro.  2 years ago, we began researching.  1 year ago, we submit our first applications to a few agencies.  6 months ago, we decided to swallow our pride and start shamelessly asking people to help us realize our dream of giving an awesome family to a child in need.  Today, I cried.

I cried for the love that is just waiting to create a home for someone.  Infant, toddler, teen?  We would love them all.  I cried for the money we don't have to finance adopting.  It's not cheap.  Paying the lawyers, the social workers, the facilitators, lodging and expenses from the birth mother, and more adds up quickly.  It just doesn't seem right.  But I want a child.  I want to be that parent that loves and protects a child for the rest of his or her life.  But I have to wait.  I have to be patient.  Save up the money.  Collect donations if you can.  Take extra jobs if you can, either substituting or tutoring.  Keep expenses under control.

I have to be patient.

http://www.gofundme.com/ChinAdoption