Ever thought you knew someone, and then one day you find out they totally aren't who you thought they were? Ever thought you could count on someone and then when you really needed them, they weren't there? That was my night last night. I needed a friend, and I chose to take a chance and call on someone and they weren't there. Then when they finally showed up, well, lets just say I was disappointed. A very dear friend is dying and I get to hear about how parts of my life are screwed up. Yea. Helpful. Oh if they only knew all the shit I did for them and the crap I went through.
Today, I have a migraine, so I went back to bed to take a little nap and I am woken up by a text message from this same person essentially saying I screwed up somehow and I am now written out of their life forever. Do you think they tell me what it was I did? No. Do you think they give me a chance to refute whatever accusation is going on here? No. Do you think they respond when I ask what the hell I did this time? No.
Well guess what. I don't give a damn anymore. I do not have the mental or emotional energy to deal with this kind of childish bull shit anymore. I have more important things in my life to deal with. I have a husband who was laid off and is looking for a new job. I have school that is kicking my ass because I am taking double classes right now. I am having sinus surgery in a week. I have rheumatoid arthritis that I have to manage without one of my medications because of that surgery. I have a dear family friend, someone who is family despite the lack of blood relation, who I have known since I was 8, who is dying of lung cancer and may be leaving this world any day now. I have a best friend who I fear is on the verge of collapse because of all the shit she has going on in her life. I have my own insecurities and esteem issues to deal with. So you wanna write me off without telling me what I did? Fine. Good riddance. Have a nice life, cause I don't give a good God damn anymore.
.
Bipolar Musings of my life, humor, health, family, friends, and beliefs.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Spotlight: Mental Illness
So I came here to write a new post and found out this post, that I wrote 3 weeks ago, never got published. How the hell did I manage that? Oh well. Now you get to see it...three week late...
We all know that my spotlight is always on mental illness and bipolar disorder, but today, one of my favorite blogs is spotlighting mental illness for the entire month of march. That's right, Aiming Low is shedding light on Mental Illness. So please take a moment to visit their site. So far they have addressed many things from depression to schizophrenia.
While you are at it, if you have a hard time understanding illness you can’t see, be it mental illness or something else like Celiac Disease or even cancer, visit this wonderful website and read about “The Spoon Theory.” It is one of the best explanations I have ever seen and it has brought me closer to both family and friends through its story.
.
We all know that my spotlight is always on mental illness and bipolar disorder, but today, one of my favorite blogs is spotlighting mental illness for the entire month of march. That's right, Aiming Low is shedding light on Mental Illness. So please take a moment to visit their site. So far they have addressed many things from depression to schizophrenia.
While you are at it, if you have a hard time understanding illness you can’t see, be it mental illness or something else like Celiac Disease or even cancer, visit this wonderful website and read about “The Spoon Theory.” It is one of the best explanations I have ever seen and it has brought me closer to both family and friends through its story.
.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
What I Have Learned as a Nanny
So as you may or may not know, I am a nanny. I take care of this wonderful, adorable toddler who just lights up my day. I know all the textbook stuff about kids and I even babysat for the longest time, but I had never cared for a child continuously for such long periods nearly every day of the week. It has been A-MAZ-ING! Every day I get to watch this little guy discover things I take for granted. He gets this look on his face like "O.M.G. Miss Alicia!! Did you see THAT?!?! That was SO COOL!!!!"
I have always loved kids and I have always wanted at least three of my own. Now I am going to school to become a teacher while considering fertility treatments after more than 2 years of trying to get pregnant to no avail. After this nanny experience, I have learned several things are likely to happen when I become a teacher and parent:
1) Patience is a virtue
2) There is nothing more precious in the world than when "the lightbulb" turns on
3) The quickest way to go from a bad/sad mood to a great mood is to get a smile and hug from a precious child
4) The quickest way to go from a good mood to a bad mood is to have a chunk of flesh bitten off by that same child
5) I will get every single little illness the children get and it will be twice as bad as they experienced
6) Their favorite food for the last 6 months can suddenly hold no interest for no apparent reason
7) They don't care if your RA is acting up - they still need you to be on top of your game
8) They grow up waaaaay too fast
And you know what? I wouldn't trade this experience or my future experiences as a teacher and parent for anything in the world.
.
I have always loved kids and I have always wanted at least three of my own. Now I am going to school to become a teacher while considering fertility treatments after more than 2 years of trying to get pregnant to no avail. After this nanny experience, I have learned several things are likely to happen when I become a teacher and parent:
1) Patience is a virtue
2) There is nothing more precious in the world than when "the lightbulb" turns on
3) The quickest way to go from a bad/sad mood to a great mood is to get a smile and hug from a precious child
4) The quickest way to go from a good mood to a bad mood is to have a chunk of flesh bitten off by that same child
5) I will get every single little illness the children get and it will be twice as bad as they experienced
6) Their favorite food for the last 6 months can suddenly hold no interest for no apparent reason
7) They don't care if your RA is acting up - they still need you to be on top of your game
8) They grow up waaaaay too fast
And you know what? I wouldn't trade this experience or my future experiences as a teacher and parent for anything in the world.
.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Sand and Sea
Have you ever just been sitting there and suddenly a slew of words pop into your head that you just have to write down? It has been a long time since that happened to me. I used to write all the time. Poetry, short stories, etc. I never thought much of it was any good, but that's ok. It feels good to write something.
So today, as I sit here playing with the baby I watch, a slew of words pop into my head. And for some strange reason, I feel like embarrassing myself by sharing this latest one with you. Be nice. My feelings get hurt easily. ;)
So today, as I sit here playing with the baby I watch, a slew of words pop into my head. And for some strange reason, I feel like embarrassing myself by sharing this latest one with you. Be nice. My feelings get hurt easily. ;)
Sand and Sea, February 17, 2011
My world is crashing down around me
It's laying at my feet
Little grains of sand washing out from under me
The more I try to hold it tight
The quicker my world flees
Like water through my fingertips
Or wind blowing the leaves
But even as my world seems
to fall into the sea
It don't fear the future
As long as you're by me
.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine's Day - Don't Be Lazy Big Spender
Today is Valentine's Day. Florists, confectioners, and gift companies make millions of dollars on this day - all in the name of love. And you know what? I hate it.
I know most people who don't like Valentine's Day are single people. I used to be that single person who hated Valentine's Day and swore the only reason it existed was so people in relationships could rub it in the face of single people, but now I am married to one of the most caring, understanding men I have ever met. And guess what...I still don't like Valentine's Day. Want to know why? If you don't, then go away. Otherwise, read on! hehe.
Now, let me begin by saying I fully support the idea behind Valentine's Day as a day to celebrate love, but the intentions are not always so good now. I could say the main reason I don't like Valentine's Day is because of what corporate America has done to the holiday. What was once a celebration of love is now an excuse for retailers to try and steal our wallets and pummel us with what they think Valentine's Day should look like - filled with expensive jewelry and chocolate.
Like I said, I could say that was the main reason I don't like today. But my dislike goes to a more emotional level. Blame it on the Pisces in me. My great dislike for this day actually goes to the celebration of love and relationships. Yes, yes. I can hear you now. "But Alicia, you just said you fully support the idea behind Valentine's Day as a day to celebrate love." That is correct, I do. However, this day has made us lazy. Now that there is an "official" day to show you love someone, we seem to forget we should show we care all year long.
We all do the obligatory "I love you" as we walk out the door for work or errands or whatever, but how often do you stop and really say it like you mean it? How often do you look the person in the eye and say it the way you really feel it? How often do you buy your significant other a card that says you care? How often do you bring them even a single flower? And how many women believe that it is all the responsibility of the man to do this stuff? Guess what girls. You Are WRONG!! That's right, guys like to know you really care too. Sure, a card or flower might seem cheesy to give to a guy, but if you do it in private, even the "manliest" man will appreciate the intention behind it.
And while we are going down this path, there is one more thing. Who the hell said that showing you cared required spending money? Does the guy who gives a $500 necklace really love his woman more than the guy who just makes breakfast in bed or prepares a nice home-cooked dinner by candlelight because that is all they can afford? Hell no. In fact, I think that says way more than some damn necklace. Something that has some thought put into it that you couldn't just pick up at the store on the way home is much nicer.
So what did we learn today?
Valentine's Day shouldn't be a once a year deal. Show how much you care all throughout the year.
You don't have to spend money to say I love you and make your significant other feel all warm and fuzzy.
Girls - It's not all about you! Guys need to know you care too! Pull the stick out of your ass.
And to my Valentine, my family, and my friends, I love you with every fiber of my being. Thank you for being mine.
.
I know most people who don't like Valentine's Day are single people. I used to be that single person who hated Valentine's Day and swore the only reason it existed was so people in relationships could rub it in the face of single people, but now I am married to one of the most caring, understanding men I have ever met. And guess what...I still don't like Valentine's Day. Want to know why? If you don't, then go away. Otherwise, read on! hehe.
Now, let me begin by saying I fully support the idea behind Valentine's Day as a day to celebrate love, but the intentions are not always so good now. I could say the main reason I don't like Valentine's Day is because of what corporate America has done to the holiday. What was once a celebration of love is now an excuse for retailers to try and steal our wallets and pummel us with what they think Valentine's Day should look like - filled with expensive jewelry and chocolate.
Like I said, I could say that was the main reason I don't like today. But my dislike goes to a more emotional level. Blame it on the Pisces in me. My great dislike for this day actually goes to the celebration of love and relationships. Yes, yes. I can hear you now. "But Alicia, you just said you fully support the idea behind Valentine's Day as a day to celebrate love." That is correct, I do. However, this day has made us lazy. Now that there is an "official" day to show you love someone, we seem to forget we should show we care all year long.
We all do the obligatory "I love you" as we walk out the door for work or errands or whatever, but how often do you stop and really say it like you mean it? How often do you look the person in the eye and say it the way you really feel it? How often do you buy your significant other a card that says you care? How often do you bring them even a single flower? And how many women believe that it is all the responsibility of the man to do this stuff? Guess what girls. You Are WRONG!! That's right, guys like to know you really care too. Sure, a card or flower might seem cheesy to give to a guy, but if you do it in private, even the "manliest" man will appreciate the intention behind it.
And while we are going down this path, there is one more thing. Who the hell said that showing you cared required spending money? Does the guy who gives a $500 necklace really love his woman more than the guy who just makes breakfast in bed or prepares a nice home-cooked dinner by candlelight because that is all they can afford? Hell no. In fact, I think that says way more than some damn necklace. Something that has some thought put into it that you couldn't just pick up at the store on the way home is much nicer.
So what did we learn today?
Valentine's Day shouldn't be a once a year deal. Show how much you care all throughout the year.
You don't have to spend money to say I love you and make your significant other feel all warm and fuzzy.
Girls - It's not all about you! Guys need to know you care too! Pull the stick out of your ass.
And to my Valentine, my family, and my friends, I love you with every fiber of my being. Thank you for being mine.
.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
It's Not Our Fault You Make Us Crazy
My dear husband sent me a link to a text picture today. I wonder if it was just supposed to be amusing or if he was trying to tell me something indirectly.
My conclusion: He is trying to tell me that I over think things too much.
My advice to him and all other men out there: If you just tell us you missed the 2 foot putt and can't figure out why, we might not act quite so crazy. No guarantees though.
.
My conclusion: He is trying to tell me that I over think things too much.
My advice to him and all other men out there: If you just tell us you missed the 2 foot putt and can't figure out why, we might not act quite so crazy. No guarantees though.
.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Blessings
Every now and then, something happens that reminds you exactly how blessed you are. The last week has been such a moment for me. See, I live in Arizona. Wonderful, warm, dry Arizona where my joints don't ache as often and my depressions are fewer in between. However, the last week, we have experienced record low temperatures and freaking freezing winds...literally. The lows for the last two nights were 18 degrees and 15 degrees (depending on what part of Tucson you live in). Windchill hovered close to 0 degrees. Well, Tucson just isn't used to this so it seems like every building has a busted water pipe or two. Businesses have been closed due to lack of water and tens of thousands of people no longer have heat because of a natural gas shortage.
And yet I still consider myself blessed. Why? First, because I have a home that I can hide from the cold in. Second, I am not one of the tens of thousands without heat. Third, I am not one of the many with busted water pipes. Fourth, my bed is oh so warm. Fifth, my rheumatoid is only just now starting to scream at me (I expected it days ago). And last but certainly not least, I won't be digging out of snow and ice for the next two weeks like the rest of the nation. Bwahahahaha! :P
Please know that even though I count my blessings, I pray for all those who don't have food, shelter, heat, etc., and I pray that all those who have to deal with the snow and ice stay safe and warm.
.
And yet I still consider myself blessed. Why? First, because I have a home that I can hide from the cold in. Second, I am not one of the tens of thousands without heat. Third, I am not one of the many with busted water pipes. Fourth, my bed is oh so warm. Fifth, my rheumatoid is only just now starting to scream at me (I expected it days ago). And last but certainly not least, I won't be digging out of snow and ice for the next two weeks like the rest of the nation. Bwahahahaha! :P
Please know that even though I count my blessings, I pray for all those who don't have food, shelter, heat, etc., and I pray that all those who have to deal with the snow and ice stay safe and warm.
.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)