So if you are close to me, you know I am living my life in two states right now -- Arizona and California. If you are not close to me, you are probably asking why. See, my husband and I had been living together in Arizona for the last year or so because he got a job with Sony Online Entertainment, his dream job (making computer games), in Tucson. Unfortunately, after about a year and a half of employment, Sony shut down the Tucson office and laid off just about everyone. This led to a job hunt which netted results in San Francisco.
When he took the new job, we had some decisions to make. I was and still am in school to become a teacher. If I were to transfer my schooling to California, it would add 2-3 years onto my completion date. Seeing as I was only about a year and a half out at the time, that just seemed silly. Why pour more time and money into something that can be done quicker and risk having to move again and add more time on should another unforeseen circumstance come up? And so came our decision to split our household.
At this time, 98% of our belongings are in our beautiful 2 bed, 2 bath duplex in San Francisco with my husband, including the 2 cats and 1 dog. I usually reside in Tucson in a studio apartment with nothing but a bed, a dresser, a TV, a few select kitchen items, and a bookshelf I adopted after the move. Oh! I adopted some chairs too. Can't forget the chairs. You know, the plastic patio chairs? Yea, those.
Anyway, so usually I live in Tucson. It is very lonely. Yes, I have friends there and they keep me distracted from my loneliness as much as possible, but when I lay in bed at night, I miss being wrapped up in my husband's arms. I miss the good night kisses and the good morning smiles. The plan is to have me fly back to San Francisco every couple months for a long weekend or a short week to visit. Even better, I managed to work my school schedule around so I have been able to reside in San Francisco for the last 6 weeks! Oh how nice to live with my husband again!
But now my time in San Francisco is drawing to an end. In two weeks (and 12 hours), my bags will be packed and I will be headed back to Tucson until the holidays. I look forward to the warmth of Arizona (San Francisco is too damn cold!) and I look forward to seeing my friends. I look forward to getting back to school on campus instead of online, and I look forward to swimming. But once again, I will be living on my own. I will miss my husband madly. I will probably cry when I leave and I will probably bury myself in distractions once I get "home" while I adjust again. I will probably cry myself to sleep a few nights as well. But we love each other and we know we can make it through this as long as we support each other. We also know this way will work out better in the long run than any of the other options.
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Bipolar Musings of my life, humor, health, family, friends, and beliefs.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
My Latest "Great" Idea
So I came across this wonderful article today about the writing process and how it is a journey of trial and error, blood, sweat, and tears. It was written so well that I was inspired to revisit an old idea of mine. I have played with this idea for years. It has lingered in the back of my mind, just waiting for the right time to come bursting out onto paper...or the keyboard.
The idea? Oh, its a book.
In the past, I have pushed the idea back into its dark hole, convincing myself it would be a horrible idea. I mean, first of all, we all know how sucky of a writer I am (yea right). Second, I get writer's block so easily with academic papers, what makes me think I could come up with enough to fill an entire book? Obviously, not possible. Third, the book I am thinking of writing is all about me, which we know would be boring as hell. Fourth, it would focus on my journey through health issues and life in general as, what I like to call, a Bipolar Survivor. Who the hell would want to read that crap? And finally, it would require me opening up and sharing deep, dark, personal secrets and thoughts for all the world to read.
Yep. Totally a horrible idea. What the hell was I thinking. I should abandon this quest line immediately.
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The idea? Oh, its a book.
In the past, I have pushed the idea back into its dark hole, convincing myself it would be a horrible idea. I mean, first of all, we all know how sucky of a writer I am (yea right). Second, I get writer's block so easily with academic papers, what makes me think I could come up with enough to fill an entire book? Obviously, not possible. Third, the book I am thinking of writing is all about me, which we know would be boring as hell. Fourth, it would focus on my journey through health issues and life in general as, what I like to call, a Bipolar Survivor. Who the hell would want to read that crap? And finally, it would require me opening up and sharing deep, dark, personal secrets and thoughts for all the world to read.
Yep. Totally a horrible idea. What the hell was I thinking. I should abandon this quest line immediately.
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Sunday, July 31, 2011
Nothing Says Sexy Like a Speedo and Roller Skates
Yesterday, my husband and I decided to spend the day seeing the city (San Francisco). We are in Oakland so it isn't like it is a long trip for us. The day started innocent enough. We went to his office since I still hadn't seen it yet and ended up having lunch with one of his co-workers at the Westfield Mall. Nice guy.
After lunch, the plan was to kind of wind our way down to Fisherman's Wharf and find this clam chowder place I have fond memories of. The weather was beautiful even with the wind blowing through the city. Along the way, we found this beautiful little park!
Naturally, we had to take some time in this little piece of serenity found in the city.
Can you tell who my hubby wanted to focus on?
After we got done playing fancy photographer, we found our way to the start of the Wharf. This is where we got a lesson in sexiness. We are innocently walking along, complaining about how the clouds are starting to roll in and the wind is getting chilly when something catches my eye. As this man exited the crowd, I regretted noticing his presence for he was on roller skates, which in and by itself is no big deal, but when you combine it with the wardrobe choice he made, it should be punishable by at least 10 lashes. While speeding down the wharf in his old-school, 4-wheeled roller skates, this man chose to wear nothing but a Speedo. His only saving grace was that it was a square-bottomed Speedo and he obviously did weight-lifting. The guy was ripped, but he was so buff that it didn't even look good. His pecs were so big that it looked like someone implanted half a basketball on each side of his chest. So, imagine this if you will. A man with muscles unnaturally large, making a kind of deformed look:
Yea baby. Now that's what I call sexy.
Naturally, we had to take some time in this little piece of serenity found in the city.
Can you tell who my hubby wanted to focus on?
After we got done playing fancy photographer, we found our way to the start of the Wharf. This is where we got a lesson in sexiness. We are innocently walking along, complaining about how the clouds are starting to roll in and the wind is getting chilly when something catches my eye. As this man exited the crowd, I regretted noticing his presence for he was on roller skates, which in and by itself is no big deal, but when you combine it with the wardrobe choice he made, it should be punishable by at least 10 lashes. While speeding down the wharf in his old-school, 4-wheeled roller skates, this man chose to wear nothing but a Speedo. His only saving grace was that it was a square-bottomed Speedo and he obviously did weight-lifting. The guy was ripped, but he was so buff that it didn't even look good. His pecs were so big that it looked like someone implanted half a basketball on each side of his chest. So, imagine this if you will. A man with muscles unnaturally large, making a kind of deformed look:
wearing these:
and these:
Thursday, July 28, 2011
What world or life altering events are happening today?
A sadness pervades my being today. It's not so much that I feel sad, but more like the sadness you feel when you see a funeral procession going by or you hear about a dear friend's loss. Technically, nothing has happened to make you sad, but you are sad for the other people you cross paths with in life because of whatever circumstances they are in. Its like a weight bearing down on your shoulders because those who received the weight can't bear it alone. It is sad, heavy, and gloomy, yet I look out the window and the sun is shining and life is moving on.
In the past, I have been told that I sense things sometimes. It isn't frequent and I don't even come close to believing that I am clairvoyant or anything silly like that, but I definitely have felt when something was wrong with someone I am close to. Honestly, I believe all people can do this. Only some choose to ignore these energy connections we make with people or society as a whole. The point is, when I feel something like this, something that isn't my normal depression, the sadness or alarm that comes from outside myself and not inside, I take notice. Usually, I can tell if it is focused from one person (a close family member or friend), or if it is from a group of people/world event. This feels like something bigger than an individual person. Like a dark cloud has descended on part of the world today.
The problem - I don't know what or where it is from.
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In the past, I have been told that I sense things sometimes. It isn't frequent and I don't even come close to believing that I am clairvoyant or anything silly like that, but I definitely have felt when something was wrong with someone I am close to. Honestly, I believe all people can do this. Only some choose to ignore these energy connections we make with people or society as a whole. The point is, when I feel something like this, something that isn't my normal depression, the sadness or alarm that comes from outside myself and not inside, I take notice. Usually, I can tell if it is focused from one person (a close family member or friend), or if it is from a group of people/world event. This feels like something bigger than an individual person. Like a dark cloud has descended on part of the world today.
The problem - I don't know what or where it is from.
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Friday, July 22, 2011
Sneaky Hate Spiral
A wonderful friend of mine linked one of my favorite blogs about the Sneaky Hate Spiral and that was sooooo my day yesterday. And as I was telling her about what exactly happened, that got me to that OH. MY. GOD. EVERYTHING MUST DIE!!!! moment, it occurred to me -- this is exactly the kind of stuff people blog about!!!! And by "people" I mean everyone but me because I am a horrible blogger and I never think I have anything interesting to write about.
So, first, go read about the Sneaky Hate Spiral and then read about my day!
Back? Ok.
So that was totally me today! It all started with the cat playing with a toy - you know, the ones that have little bells in them to make them more fun for the cat and more annoying for the human? Yea, that one. No, I don't know why I bought it. I just know I likely though "OH! They will LUV playing with that!" Of course, it never occured to me they would love to play with it at ungodly hours and wake me up an hour before my alarm.
So, first, go read about the Sneaky Hate Spiral and then read about my day!
Back? Ok.
So that was totally me today! It all started with the cat playing with a toy - you know, the ones that have little bells in them to make them more fun for the cat and more annoying for the human? Yea, that one. No, I don't know why I bought it. I just know I likely though "OH! They will LUV playing with that!" Of course, it never occured to me they would love to play with it at ungodly hours and wake me up an hour before my alarm.
After I threw the toy across the room took the toy away hid the toy, then the neighbor was up and about upstairs and had unusually heavy feet today. Since it was obvious I wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep, I proceeded to lay in bed and hope for sleep. Yea. Didn't happen.
Suddenly, I heard the garbage truck and thought "OH NO! I forgot to take the cans out last night!" So there I go, bounding out of the house with my hair all askew in my pajamas (which consist of very short, thin shorts and barely an excuse for a tank top) with my boobs flopping this way and that because I had no bra on, just to pull the cans to the curb before the garbage man drives away and I am stuck with stinky, full cans for the next week. Yea, that had to have been a sight.
Then, for the life of me, I could not find my damn keys in any less than 15 minutes. When I finally got them and turned the car on, the the car radio was BLASTING only God knows what cause I hit that power button so fast I broke a nail which was quickly followed by a very unladylike word.
At this point, I am already 10 minutes late leaving the house so naturally, I hit every, single red light between home and my destination, only to realize I had the wrong destination. Yep. The stupid address in the stupid GPS was wrong. Totally NOT my fault. So I fix the GPS's screwup, cause again, not my fault, and I proceed to once again hit every,single red light between my false destination and my REAL destination. The traffic light gods hate me.
I am now 20 minutes late for my appointment and I find every single parking spot on the street was taken except one. Upon actually parking the car and exiting the vehicle, I find out that the stupid parking meter is broken. Grumbling, I move the car to another spot that happened to free itself of its previous vehicular occupant and this one had an electronic parking meter...across the street. Naturally, this is a busy street and there were lots of cars so I had to wait for the walk signal at the light. We already know how traffic lights feel about me today.
After sitting there for forever, I get across the stupid street to the meter and the thing didn't have the values of the buttons marked. Since I am already irritated and horribly late, I just push a bunch of them until it says I have paid the maximum amount, a mere 30 freaking minutes. Then wait at the evil light again to go back to the car to put the validation on the dash. Upon placing my parking validation on the dash, locking and closing the door, and turning around to look at the light, I realized I would have to wait...again...to go back to the other side of the street where my actual destination was. My head exploded inside.
I unlocked my car, got inside, shut the door, and screamed bloody murder and beat on my steering wheel for about 2 minutes straight.
Hate Spiral - 1. Alicia - 0.
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Thursday, July 21, 2011
Drugs, Money, and Rock & Roll - Part 3
Ok, I promise I am going to finish this time. The problem is it has now been sooooooo long that all the details have flown out of my head. Sorry about that.
So I ended with us having to get the house moved in something like 10 days from Tucson, AZ to good old San Francisco. Why you ask? Well, the answer is quite simple. D's work wanted him to start that soon. YAY! D has a job! Boo, I have to do all this moving crap.
Let's see, so I start calling around looking for moving quotes and find that most of the companies are WAY too friggin expensive. Therefore, I reserve a U-haul and start signing friends up to help us. Later, I will end up changing my mind and hiring a moving company anyway. Next step is finding a place to live and getting the house packed and moved, all in 10 days. Did I mention the movers pick up 3-4 days before your desired delivery date? So that is 6-7 days to find a place to live and pack the whole house. Keep in mind, I am still recovering from my nose surgery during all this.
Next, I start figuring out transferring my schooling to California. I am thinking this should be easy since I am attending University of Phoenix. Guess what. It isn't. See, California has more stringent requirements for their teachers. Something about needing a Master's Degree or something like that. I forget the details now. The part I DO remember is that I can transfer just fine. Only problem is instead of finishing in 1 1/2 years, it will now take 3 1/2 to 4 years?!?! Oh. Hell. No. Because you know I don't already have enough stress on my plate. Naturally, I start spinning in my head til I get to talk to D about it.
When I finally get to talk to D, the solution seemed simple enough. I stay in Tucson to finish school while he goes to San Francisco to work and we just fly back and forth to visit each other. Awesome. It is silly to keep a 2-bedroom apartment for just one of me, so I rent a studio, choose the items to stay with me (futon, dresser, TV, and some kitchenware. That's it), and continue on my merry little way packing everything else. I get it all planned out that I will spend the next 3-4 months in Tucson getting all my observation hours out of the way, then spend 6 months in SF with the hubby, then spend the remaining 6-8 months in Tucson finishing up my program and student teaching. And then the scrambling begins all while trying to coordinate a 1000-mile move.
So we have 6-7 days. We hop in the car, drive straight through to Sacramento (14 hours in case you were wondering), and crash for 6 hours at my brother's house. We then spend the next 48 hours looking at more than a dozen potential places to live in the San Francisco area. Guess which one we picked. Yup! The second to last place. (It's awesome by the way). By the time we finish in SF and get back to Tucson (driving straight through again), we have 3 days to pack before the movers get there. Somehow we get it done with the help of friends, but I'm exhausted, my nose hurts, my body hurts, and I did I mention, I'm exhausted?
So, the movers arrive the day after we finish packing. They get everything loaded. They say 2-3 days for delivery. Cool. So we can take our time a little on the way back to SF to meet them at the new house. We load up the animals and head off to mom and dad's in Sacramento. Oh, I forgot, we brought the dog out to stay with my brother the previous weekend when we were house-hunting. He kept her for the move, thank goodness. Can you imagine trying to keep track of a 75-lb boxer/lab during all this? Yea, right.
We drive straight through...again. We sleep when we get there. The cats are freaked out as expected. We are exhausted and all we want is sleep, but no, we have to go back into the city to sign the lease on the new place and pay our rent. Then we go back to mom and dad's and have them feed us that night. The next day, we head to our new home and set up shop to wait for the movers...who don't show up for an extra 2 days. That's right. 5 days to get our stuff. All I have to say is thank goodness we brought the air mattress and I booked my flight home through Southwest Air so I could change my return flight easily.
With no time to unpack or anything, we get the boxes and furniture in the house somewhat how we want it, do the move-in inspection, make a list for the landlord and Alicia has to run away to catch her plane. Leaving D with boxes everywhere sucked. Then my flight was delayed and my ride could no longer get me. This is about the time when I start asking "why me?!?!" Luckily, another friends said she could get me so I didn't have to pay for a cab ride home. Thank you! Finally got home and to bed at 2am with class the following night and no homework done. Awesome.
Which brings us back to the school issue. Remember how I was going to do 3-4 months in Tucson to get all my observation out of the way and then spend 6 months in Cali? Yea, later I figure out I planned that out totally wrong because, guess what. Those 3-4 months fall during summer break. No classes to observe. Crap. I then have to figure out how to work it out so I can actually get some time with my husband. The solution:
June - Tucson
July and August - SF (8 weeks online classes)
September through December - Tucson, but home for holidays
End of December through Beginning of January - SF (2 weeks)
Mid-January through May - Tucson
June and July - hopefully SF but that may change
August through November - Tucson
December - home to SF for good. Merry Christmas!
Can we say stressful? Yea. Welcome to my life.
But guess what! I survived! I am still alive and kicking! And I didn't kill anyone! I totally rocked this move.
.
So I ended with us having to get the house moved in something like 10 days from Tucson, AZ to good old San Francisco. Why you ask? Well, the answer is quite simple. D's work wanted him to start that soon. YAY! D has a job! Boo, I have to do all this moving crap.
Let's see, so I start calling around looking for moving quotes and find that most of the companies are WAY too friggin expensive. Therefore, I reserve a U-haul and start signing friends up to help us. Later, I will end up changing my mind and hiring a moving company anyway. Next step is finding a place to live and getting the house packed and moved, all in 10 days. Did I mention the movers pick up 3-4 days before your desired delivery date? So that is 6-7 days to find a place to live and pack the whole house. Keep in mind, I am still recovering from my nose surgery during all this.
Next, I start figuring out transferring my schooling to California. I am thinking this should be easy since I am attending University of Phoenix. Guess what. It isn't. See, California has more stringent requirements for their teachers. Something about needing a Master's Degree or something like that. I forget the details now. The part I DO remember is that I can transfer just fine. Only problem is instead of finishing in 1 1/2 years, it will now take 3 1/2 to 4 years?!?! Oh. Hell. No. Because you know I don't already have enough stress on my plate. Naturally, I start spinning in my head til I get to talk to D about it.
When I finally get to talk to D, the solution seemed simple enough. I stay in Tucson to finish school while he goes to San Francisco to work and we just fly back and forth to visit each other. Awesome. It is silly to keep a 2-bedroom apartment for just one of me, so I rent a studio, choose the items to stay with me (futon, dresser, TV, and some kitchenware. That's it), and continue on my merry little way packing everything else. I get it all planned out that I will spend the next 3-4 months in Tucson getting all my observation hours out of the way, then spend 6 months in SF with the hubby, then spend the remaining 6-8 months in Tucson finishing up my program and student teaching. And then the scrambling begins all while trying to coordinate a 1000-mile move.
So we have 6-7 days. We hop in the car, drive straight through to Sacramento (14 hours in case you were wondering), and crash for 6 hours at my brother's house. We then spend the next 48 hours looking at more than a dozen potential places to live in the San Francisco area. Guess which one we picked. Yup! The second to last place. (It's awesome by the way). By the time we finish in SF and get back to Tucson (driving straight through again), we have 3 days to pack before the movers get there. Somehow we get it done with the help of friends, but I'm exhausted, my nose hurts, my body hurts, and I did I mention, I'm exhausted?
So, the movers arrive the day after we finish packing. They get everything loaded. They say 2-3 days for delivery. Cool. So we can take our time a little on the way back to SF to meet them at the new house. We load up the animals and head off to mom and dad's in Sacramento. Oh, I forgot, we brought the dog out to stay with my brother the previous weekend when we were house-hunting. He kept her for the move, thank goodness. Can you imagine trying to keep track of a 75-lb boxer/lab during all this? Yea, right.
We drive straight through...again. We sleep when we get there. The cats are freaked out as expected. We are exhausted and all we want is sleep, but no, we have to go back into the city to sign the lease on the new place and pay our rent. Then we go back to mom and dad's and have them feed us that night. The next day, we head to our new home and set up shop to wait for the movers...who don't show up for an extra 2 days. That's right. 5 days to get our stuff. All I have to say is thank goodness we brought the air mattress and I booked my flight home through Southwest Air so I could change my return flight easily.
With no time to unpack or anything, we get the boxes and furniture in the house somewhat how we want it, do the move-in inspection, make a list for the landlord and Alicia has to run away to catch her plane. Leaving D with boxes everywhere sucked. Then my flight was delayed and my ride could no longer get me. This is about the time when I start asking "why me?!?!" Luckily, another friends said she could get me so I didn't have to pay for a cab ride home. Thank you! Finally got home and to bed at 2am with class the following night and no homework done. Awesome.
Which brings us back to the school issue. Remember how I was going to do 3-4 months in Tucson to get all my observation out of the way and then spend 6 months in Cali? Yea, later I figure out I planned that out totally wrong because, guess what. Those 3-4 months fall during summer break. No classes to observe. Crap. I then have to figure out how to work it out so I can actually get some time with my husband. The solution:
June - Tucson
July and August - SF (8 weeks online classes)
September through December - Tucson, but home for holidays
End of December through Beginning of January - SF (2 weeks)
Mid-January through May - Tucson
June and July - hopefully SF but that may change
August through November - Tucson
December - home to SF for good. Merry Christmas!
Can we say stressful? Yea. Welcome to my life.
But guess what! I survived! I am still alive and kicking! And I didn't kill anyone! I totally rocked this move.
.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Drugs, Money, and Rock and Roll - Part 2
Check it out! I finally got around to creating Part 2 of this saga! Only problem is I didn't take notes or anything, so this might be kinda short. And most of you probably know this part anyway.
So after I finally get to a fully functional, fairly drug-free state after my nose wasbroken fixed, I get to start dealing with the next adventure. April 1st, my husband's company announces massive layoffs and office closures. April Fools? Nope. It wasn't that surprising. We knew there was a change coming, we just didn't think it was coming so soon and we didn't think it was going to be in the form of the unemployment line.
Positive - D was already interviewing with many companies.
Negative - We knew we were going to have to move. Again. And likely to some place cold. *cry*
Naturally, the hubby has a hard time deciphering paperwork like Cobra benefits, severance packages, etc. Luckily, my head was fairly fog-free so I could help with that. I spent the next week (or was it two?), living day to day,worrying wondering where we would end up living, taking D back and forth to the airport to fly places for interviews, and trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do about school. Then D got a job! One he was excited about too! Bonus! The destination? San Francisco.
Positive - Close to my family again and good friends. Finally, fresh, fantastic sushi, and clam chowder!
Negative - It's FREAKING COLD! And cloudy. And windy. And COLD. This oughta be fun.
Awesome. So then we started to contemplate the upcoming changes and where we wanted to live in the San Francisco area. Time to rock and roll and get this house moved! In 10 days. Wait. WHAT?!?! 10 day?!?! Aw hell. I hate having to rush things...
...to be continued in Part 3!
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So after I finally get to a fully functional, fairly drug-free state after my nose was
Positive - D was already interviewing with many companies.
Negative - We knew we were going to have to move. Again. And likely to some place cold. *cry*
Naturally, the hubby has a hard time deciphering paperwork like Cobra benefits, severance packages, etc. Luckily, my head was fairly fog-free so I could help with that. I spent the next week (or was it two?), living day to day,
Positive - Close to my family again and good friends. Finally, fresh, fantastic sushi, and clam chowder!
Negative - It's FREAKING COLD! And cloudy. And windy. And COLD. This oughta be fun.
Awesome. So then we started to contemplate the upcoming changes and where we wanted to live in the San Francisco area. Time to rock and roll and get this house moved! In 10 days. Wait. WHAT?!?! 10 day?!?! Aw hell. I hate having to rush things...
...to be continued in Part 3!
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